What is the difference between good and bad? What is the difference between nice and notoriously dysfunctional?
I am sick and tired of people misinterpreting my actions for something that is not. Yes, at times I can be a pain to work with but there is a reason why. Am I a good person, yes I am but am I nice all the time? No way. Why? I am only human.
As humans, we get stressed out. Some more than others. Unfortunately, I am one of those on the extreme end. (I am taking measures to curd this problem. Like right now. I am letting it all pour out for you lovely people to read)
As humans, we make mistakes. The most important thing is that we learn from them. I do learn from them. Though not as fast as some people would like but I am getting there.
As humans, we always have both sides. It is important that we have a mixture because too much of either is bad for you. Funny, how people tend to value the negative side more than the positive. I mean you do something bad, you are front page news. Sigh!!!
In conclusion, as a human being I have my ups and downs. That is why at times, I am a PAIN to work with.
In all my years of projects, clubs ans societies, I have worked with strict team leaders, mediocre team leaders and weak team leaders before. Sad to say, there is a reason why humans need other humans to control them. I can be at times an authoritarian, a megalomaniac control freak and rather unreasonable to the fact that I have been compared to my mentor, who I still hold a lot of respect for. Because now I understand where she is coming from. (This is years after she made me cry after every class for almost a year.)
Personally, it is my belief that I should help those in need of it. Especially the ones that cry out to you with countless of text messages. At times, they might disagree with the advice and opinions I give. That is alright with me because to each their own right. However, with countless insults thrown at my face in front of people that are almost next to strangers, is the final straw. Okay, fine. Calling it an insult would be overboard, however, the adjectives used to describe me were less than pleasant because it undermines me as the person I am. I have gone out of my way to give support and this is the thanks I get.
As a Buddhist, I know that it is good to help those who are in need. But as a human being with feelings and other responsibility, though not worldly but is as equally important; I am sick and tired of helping people who come crawling to you in the middle of the night when you are ill, asking for help. And when you do help them (lay the groundwork, do the research etc.) , they repay you with countless of insults, snide remarks, bad jokes and worse of all an attitude that is full of “…………….�. Goodness, I do not know how to describe it in words because it is practically indescribable.
Perhaps I should tell the next bugger who comes crawling to me to go and procreate with him/herself. I am just too tired of helping people who cannot help themselves and instead of finding solutions they find the next target to blame. Or use another person as a scapegoat reason. I know this one person who is strapped for time but is not putting in the effort that he should be is claiming that he did not want to step up and be leader of a group because he knew how painful it was to work under someone who is demanding. This is a very capable and motivated person. One who I love collaborating with on projects and work. He has all the makings of a great leader. Though it wouldn’t harm if he added a bit more discipline into the way he works. Instead he chose to be well, as I would put it, soft. Yes, he gets his people feeling sorry for him and will try their best. Now the weakness here is the word TRY. Try is just a lame excuse that can be used to pacify oneself when one has failed in doing something that is important. See this now, that I am not saying that trying is a bad thing. But without a motivation to take “ACTION�, “TRY� is just, well, a word.
Well,
I am sick of TRYing to help.
I am sick of TRYing to care.
I am sick of TRYing to be there.
I am sick of TRYing to give advice.
I am sick of TRYing to TRY anymore.
As a tired human being, I bid you goodnight.