What can you believe?

Well remember that I was telling you that quizzes can’t be accurate? But I was browsing through some sites and stumbled upon the Guidelines of recognizing depression on a website that offers counseling to people who are suicidal.

The list is as follows. Those marked with (Y) is me with those symptoms.

characteristics of depression

• feeling sad, in despair (Y)
• hopeless (Y)
• guilt (Y)
• loss of interest (Y)
• loss of energy (Y)
• psychomotor retardation
• difficult to concentrate (Y)
• feel forgetful (Y)
• withdrawal (Y)
• low esteem of self (Y)
• increased irritability (Y)
• difficulty making decisions (Y)
• wakes up a few hours early than usual in the morning (Y)
• loss of appetite (Y)

Waaaaaaaa….. I checked out 13 out of 14. Gone case!!!

But then again, aren’t these also the symptoms of stress? We are so walking a fine line here.

the warning signs of suicide

• feelings of hopelessness/ loss of faith (Y)
• feelings of isolation and /or rejection (Y)
• expressions of wanting to end it all (Y)
• depression over a long time (Y)
• change in behaviour, eg tension, sadness, or anxiety (Y)
• great change in eating and sleeping patterns (Y)
• chronic/ acute illness that appears incurable
• giving away of precious possesions or making final preparations
• putting affairs in order
• financial worries (Y)
• family history of suicide
• previous suicide attempts
• definite plan of suicide action

7 out of 13…. Uh Oh….

Despite the temptation and frustration, suicide can seem like a very easy exit. However, it will take a lot to force me to do it. I have toyed with the idea at times when I am bogged down by certain things. The only thing that is keeping me afloat is my religion and my upbringing. Plus perhaps it is also my fear of being a burden to people. After all, if I were to just end my life. My family will have to pick up my education tab and also clean out the mounds and mounds of collectibles (clutter) that I have stored. Then there is the funeral expenses. Do you know how much a funeral costs these days? So basically I cannot afford to die.

I guess I’ll wait for my visit from the Grim Reaper or wait until I am financially independent before I can go on to the next life.

It is only by coincidence that I found, this month’s “Charity of the month�. Well technically it is not a charity but it is a nonprofit organization.

I was hanging out at the local bookstore because I needed to clear my head. Too many things have been happening. I wandered into the bookstore, trying to find solace in the other thing I enjoys the most apart from writing and acting. I loved to read. I had the biggest collection of R.L. Stine books among my peers. But basically, I just love books and I love reading. I will be brutally honest that the break up has left a big hole in my soul. That needs patching up. I thought I could perhaps stumble upon some self help books that will get me back on my feet. (Call me desperate, I do not care.)

Anyhow, since this was a new bookstore. I had trouble navigating through the rows of shelves. Trying to find three sections.

1. The New Age section
2. The Religion section
3. The Self Help section

Then this book caught my eye. It had Hilary Swank on the cover. I was curious and picked it up. The book was

“THE FREEDOM WRITERS DIARY: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them�
By The Freedom Writers with Erin Gruwell

The synopsis
“The Freedom Writers Diary is the amazing true story of strength, courage, and achievement in the face of adversity. In the fall of 1994, in Room 203 at Woodrow Wilson High School in Long Beach, California, an idealistic twenty-four-year-old teacher named Erin Gruwell faced her first group of students, dubbed by the administration as “unteachable, at-risk” teenagers. This group was unlike any she had ever interacted with.

The kids took bets on how long their new teacher would last in their classroom. Then a pivotal event changed their lives forever: when a racial caricature of one of the African American students circulated the classroom, Erin angrily intercepted the drawing and compared it to a Nazi exaggeration of Jews during the Holocaust. To her amazement, the students responded with puzzled looks. Erin was appalled to discover that not one child in her class knew of the Holocaust and its unspeakable horrors. When asked how many had been shot at, however, all raised their hands, and a battle-scar show-and-tell began that shocked Erin even more.

Erin Gruwell had touched a nerve, and she ran with it. Knowing that her students were all too familiar with violence, she introduced them to Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl and Zlata’s Diary: A Child’s Life in Sarajevo. Reluctant at first to read the strange texts, the students of Room 203 soon paralleled their lives to those of Anne and Zlata- teenagers also surrounded by violence- and could not believe their intense connections to the stories. Each student began to keep his or her own anonymous diary, recording tormenting stories of drug use, struggles with physical and mental abuse, reaction to Erin and her unconventional teaching methods. The results were the foundation of a life-changing, spiritually enriching journey that began with a symbolic “toast for change,” and has not stopped since.

From the moment they named themselves the “Freedom Writers,” the students of Room 203 changed from a group of apathetic delinquents to a closely knit, motivated family with Erin Gruwell as their guide. The Freedom Writers worked extremely hard to bring their first influences off the page and into their lives, with funds raised from a “Read-a-thon for Tolerance” set up by Erin, as well as endless moonlighting jobs that Erin worked, they arranged for Miep Gies, the courageous Dutch woman who sheltered the Frank family, to visit them in California. Soon after, Zlata Filipovic responded to the Freedom Writers’ many letters inviting her to Long Beach, and she spent five days with them, allowing the Freedom Writers to compare notes with her. This reinforced to the Freedom Writers that voices are heard, change is possible, and a difference can be made in people through the power of words.

The Freedom Writers have since continued to spread their story and message throughout the world. In 1997 they held an “Echoes of the Soul” fund-raising concert to help pay for a trip to Washington, D.C., where they toured the Holocaust Museum and presented their diary to Secretary of Education Richard Riley. This trip also allowed them to emulate their heroes, the Freedom Riders, by holding a peace march and prayer vigil for victims of intolerance at the Washington Monument. In 1998 they won the Spirit of Anne Frank Award- the Freedom Writers traveled to New York to accept the award. Most recently, in the summer of 1999, one of their most far-reaching goals was achieved. The Freedom Writers and Erin visited Anne Frank’s house in Amsterdam; the concentration camps Auschwitz, Birkenau, and Chelmno in Poland; and visited Zlata in Sarajevo, Bosnia. Most important all 150 Freedom Writers have graduated from High School and are attending college.â€?

It had been turned into a movie. Freedom Writers Movie

I read the cover with much interest. It talks about changing one’s life through writing.

I love writing because it gives me life. Though recently, perhaps it has been my downfall in the relationship department. But it will not stop me from writing. Because writing is a very important part of my life and I know that writing has the power to change lives and empower people. It is evident even throughout history. During times of war, the first people to be killed are the scholars and writers.

WHAT IS THE FREEDOM WRITERS FOUNDATION?
The Freedom Writers Foundation, a nonprofit organization founded in 1997, positively impacts communities by decreasing high school drop out rates through the replication and enhancement of the Freedom Writers Method.

The organization’s overall purpose is to:
• Create opportunities for students to reach their full academic potential and aspire to higher education.
• Publicly and systematically promote an educational philosophy that values, upholds, and honors diversity.
• Inspire students to realize their roles as vital members of their communities.

GET INVOLVED!!!

The Freedom Writers Foundation is a nonprofit organization that impacts communities by decreasing high school dropout rates utilizing the Freedom Writers methods. But like any nonprofit organization, its heart only beats when people like you get involved. There’s more than one way to help. From donations to sponsorships, your support will help teachers engage and inspire their students to have a vested interest in the classroom and their community.

Visit Freedom Writers Foundation

Make a difference.

Love you all,
Adeline Ong

When I was back in High school, I always wondered what clique my friends and I will be in if we were to be judged by the standards used to classify the Western high schools.

You see, my friends and I can be considered, a class of our own. We were not the popular clique, though we were well known enough around the district. We were not the jocks, though we do not fail terribly in sports. We were not the geeks or the nerds, though we were not dumb either. We fare fairly well in our studies though I have to probably attribute that to the fact that we are Asians.

I would say that we were rather balanced. We were from the top two graduating classes in our year. We held many positions in clubs and societies. Most of us were on the disciplinary board. I was the biggest bitch on campus, being the Head Girl (School President, Captain etc whatever name your school gives it). I am sorry Tash , your buddy here was a prefect.

Though a junior once told my friend Sharon that we were in a popular clique, I pondered about that.

I know I have the tendency to get myself into the spotlight because I am rather vocal. I won’t apologize for that. But to consider myself popular is a whole new ball game for me. I know that even throughout my college and university years, I was never a loner.

Though many people have considered me weird for being, well myself. I read the Tarot and the I-Ching. I have a huge collection of New Age books. The fact that I can be planning and speaking about 2 different things at the same time. (I think I have split personalities but then again who cares about us. ) I have rage issues as well.

No matter what, I am still well liked. At least, I believe I am well liked.

When I was dating my ex, he tried to convince me that I was a Goth. I rejected the idea. Because to me a Goth, was a person with white make up, black lipstick, eyeliner and wore spikes 24/7. Heck, I did not even know he was a Goth. Just for the fact he never fit the stereotyped look of one. At least, the one that I was exposed to. Dating him was rather educational, it opened my eyes to a new world. I am getting in touch with my inner Goth now. My best buddy, Tash , is a Goth too.

When I saw this quiz on her site, I just had to do it. (Plus the fact that I am stressed out beyond words. Which explains why I am having bouts of insomnia and the lack of appetite)

From the quiz, I am tied between being an Emo Kid and a Goth. So I guess my ex was right to a certain degree. Though many will question the validity of such a quiz. But then again, do we need a quiz to tell us who we really are?

However, some parts of me are inclined to believe this. I like the idea of being a Goth. I already have some stuff that are Gothic in nature.

Though now my next mission is to find out what in the world does Emo means. Please note that it is EMO, not Elmo, the furry red creature from Sesame Street.

No matter what the quiz is rather fun.

You scored as Goth. That’s awesome! Go you! Emo Kid 93% Goth 93% Punk 60% Stoner 40% Geek/Nerd 33% Loner 33% Hot 33% Prep 27% "Ghetto" 27% Jock 20%

What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To?
created with QuizFarm.com

Finally, some pics of my last LPSM is up on this site.

Well, technically I have to take these from u-jean’s site
Why?
Cause no one is sending me any pics!!!

Anyway, this is how the event unfolded. It was my last LPSM. It was mid-day. I was busy trying to get Yu Lian into the coordinator routine. So much to do and so little time. I kind of pity the kid. So there we were, running about. Talking to the vendors, introducing him and explaining my departure. When out of no where, you could hear James Lochhead’s voice breaking the silence.

“Adeline Ong, can you please come to the performance area!”

My heart fell because I thought one of the crew or vendors were in trouble. I rushed to the middle, with Yu Lian in tow. When I reached the stage, nothing was there. I was confused. But when Teresa came out with the cake, I knew what was going on. Personally, I hate surprises. This time, I will make an exception. I was stunned, shocked and before you knew it, the waterwork was on its way.

Throughout the day, I got wishes of good luck and you guessed it, freebies galore from my beloved vendors. In short, it was hard to leave. I have yet to document the cool freebies, I have received. But once I have, I will post up the pictures and label the vendors. (Just in case you are interested in buying similar things at our next market.)

The cake is by Teresa Capol of Edelweiss Cafe . Thank you so much, Teresa!!!

Cutting and crying… Why can’t I mourn privately?

My going away present. I had told the designer, Paridah, of Peabags that I wanted a laptop bag. I loved the design that she made called, “Ella”. Though I loved it, I promised myself not to shop anymore until I declutter my room. However, I kept pestering her to design a laptop bag so I can have an excuse to buy one. This was heard by my beloved boss, Ambi. So, lo and behold, guess what my going away present is, a Peabag!!! The bag was named after me, “Adeline O”. Paridah’s personal gift to me was another bag, “Baby Adeline O”. (Picture to be uploaded)

I will upload pictures and an article on Peabags sometime soon.

Big hug!!!

Cikgu Baha came for my last LPSM. My face is red because I was crying.

With the LPSM Crew and Committee. (Most of them at least)

The person, I need to thank for the photos. Yu Jean!!!

Read Yu Jean’s blog

Wow!!!

In the past 10 months, I ran 13 LPSMs. Can you imagine that? Most of it with my ex in tow. I know that I should not be mentioning him. But it is hard, after all, he was a big part of my life. Though I am not sure if he knew it. With the current circumstances, I guess, it is also a good time to move on. For me, a new career and for him, his new relationship.

I love you all.
See you in the future markets, if I do see you.

Not feeling too well today, so there is not much to blog about.

I have yet to receive my photos from everyone else so I can’t upload it yet.

Anyhow, the only change so far is that the Category “Alien Invasion” has now been switched to Xtra-Ordinary.

Thanks…

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