The life and mind of Adeline Ong

Due to what I do in my free time, I have the privilege to hang out with some of the most gorgeous looking and talented people you would have ever met. They have careers and affluent lifestyles that make people envious of them. They live realities that many consider dreams which would never be realized in this or many lifetimes to come. And yet despite all that I realize that many still have insecurities that outsiders assume are non existent.

I am the most insecure person I know. I am not sure why. Sparky says it is because I think too much. Perhaps it is.

But as I get to know the people around me, I find we are not so different after all. Yes, we live different lifestyles, hang out with different people, come from different backgrounds and thread different paths. Yet deep down inside, we have something in common, insecurities. I am not sure why but I notice these in many of my Asian friends. I am not saying this to be racist or anything. It is just a fact that is common across this group.

I start to question whether it is our upbringing that makes us feel that we are not good enough. Or is it the fact that in our culture, being proud of our achievements can be seen from a negative point of view. WHAT A BIG SHOW OFF!!!

Thus I notice this other thing; Asians can’t seem to take compliments very well. I know I am one. Despite my friends telling me great things about myself, I still have tons of doubt and lack the confidence. I remembered when I was younger, my relatives find me a tad bit odd because I accepted compliments with, “Thank yous” and moved on with my life. Now, I second guess. Weird, right?

Recently, I gave a compliment to an acting buddy of mine and was met with tons of negativity. It frustrated me. Here is this gorgeous young actress beginning to step out into the world, but she managed to find hairline cracks that are non existent. However, this experience was an eye opening experience for me. It was the mirror of what I have been doing. I finally felt what my friends have been feeling every time I try to dodge a compliment.

So from today forth, I will acknowledge and take responsibility of the things I say; take compliments as they are given to me whole heartedly and thank my friends who saw something in me that I have not realized and who expect more of me than I can ever fathom for myself.

March 14th, 2009 | Reflections | 2 Comments »