Made a sandwich from cherry tomato foccacia (they are fresh from the local bakery), cheese, ham, lettuce, tomato and I must be in cheerier moods because I actually put mayo into the sandwich. I have been banning mayo from my diet and my cooking. Polished of a small cup of Passion Fruit and Peach yogurt. Man, I am going to be so round and fluffy when I get home.

Currently, I am sitting in the living room aka my bedroom for the next couple of weeks; sipping white coffee (from home of course) while going through some work mail. It’s cold for summer. 14 degrees celcius, thank goodness I brought my trench coat. Interestingly, I bought the coat in Hamburg last year and did not get a chance to wear it until yesterday.

Yesterday my flight came in an hour early (4 a.m.), so there I was standing at Stansted International Airport, half-awaked but fully excited at 5 a.m. My ride was to pick me up at 6 a.m. I busied myself by texting people back home, letting them know I have arrived in one piece despite taking a budget airline. Did not get much sleep as planned because the girl sitting next to me kept tossing and turning throughout the 13-hour flight. I pity her boyfriend more, every time he nods off; she wakes him up to complain.

I reached Alyesbury at 7.30 a.m. or so (the taxi driver my brother frequently use was very friendly), after some unpacking, a quick breakfast and a shower. Ben, Ash and I went off to Oxford. Did my first round of sight seeing and shopping. I did not bring enough clothes as I have jammed pack the bag with dried foodstuff.

Had my first proper English lunch at a proper English pub though I did not get to try Fish and Chip with mushy peas yet. The experience kind of reminded me of my first Gumbo in New Orleans.

Later, we will be heading off to London; basically to hunt down my school for the next week. I can’t believe I am starting classes tomorrow. Hopefully, I can remember the train route. My aim for the week is to go to classes during the day and catching a show at night.

List of shows – Blood Brothers (a must watch according to Sparky and Chris), Avenue Q, Wicked and The Lion King.

My former director said that I was nuts. ‘Who goes on a holiday and still thinks of work or doing anything work related?’

Uhmm… me?

Well, I am signing off now. For those wanting pictures, I apologize for now. I totally forgot to bring my card reader, so most of the pics are stuck in the SD. Will figure something out soon.

Well you get the picture. Obviously, it is not a conversation for the squeamish.

The conversation reminded me of a debate that I had back in the States.

You’ve guessed it, Meat Eaters versus Vegetarians.

Some guys in my group were talking flack about vegetarianism and were not tolerant of the ‘weak’ veggie munchers.

“Real men need meat. Not some tofu.”

Back then I was dating a guy who carries a butterfly knife in his pocket all the time. He was irritated by the conversation. He was a semi vegetarian and so was I. Anyway, he took his knife and slid it across the table towards the guys.

“Have you slaughter the meat you ate before?”

“What? Of course not. I can’t kill a life.”

“If you can’t kill it, then you don’t deserve to eat it.”

Those are the words that I still carry with me and I repeat when people talk trash about vegetarians or vegetarianism. If people are okay with you eating meat, please be okay with people eating plants.

I am not saying that you cannot eat meat. Heck, I eat meat. And yes, I’ll slaughter a chicken if I have to.

But the idea of eating meat unconsciously sickens me. The way people today consume meat is as though it appears out of thin air. In case you do not know, that is not the case.

This is a flesh trade where billions of dollars are exchanged. Plus, you don’t want to get me started on the impact of animal farming on the environment.

Yes, I know you love your fried chicken, your big chunky steak, and those spicy spare ribs.

I am not one to stand here and preach, “Eating meat is bad and cruel!”

But next time before you tuck into that double patty juicy burger, please contemplate how that piece of meat came to be. Show some appreciation to the fact that another life has been sacrificed just so that your insatiable palate may be satisfied for the next few hours before you have another go at some other poor creature.

And if you are wondering, I do contemplate before every meal. Some people may call it prayer but I don’t pray or say grace before I eat. I just contemplate and let the awareness of how the dish came to be in front of me.

Yes, it won’t do much for poor Mr. Pig who is now bacon staring back at you, but trust me; it makes you feel grateful for every meal and every minute of your life.

Other than having a meaning, I want my tattoos to be conversational pieces,

to be a piece to mark a transitory period of my life,

have an inter cultural historical meaning .

Currently, I am looking at getting a full back Japanese Cherry Blossom piece starting from the base of my spine.

This will be my only colour tattoo.

When I told V about it, his reaction was, “Expensive wei…”

Typical V, but he is only getting his first tattoo after he gets his next cord. He has already gotten his design down.

As for mine, the design is still in its conception point. I am torn between having a full tree, that is positioned on the middle of my back or just have a branch that begins at the base and the branches up towards my left shoulder blade.

I asked my mom for her opinion.

 She was horrified, “Why would you want something so big on your body?”

I just laughed. The design is not out yet, for all I know, it’ll probably be only a handful of Cherry Blossoms. Like my first, I’ll probably be designing the tattoo myself. Or at least get a draft design for the artist to work with. We’ll see. It took me 6 months to finally get my first tattoo design down and that piece was simple. God knows how these Cherry Blossoms will look like.

You might be wondering why I am choosing Cherry Blossoms since they are not exactly my favourite flowers.

In case you are wondering, I love Red Poppies.

In typical Otaku fashion, the Cherry Blossoms (Sakura) has played a very important part in Japanese culture. Almost every anime that I loved has a Sakura scene as well as theme songs related to Sakura. But more importantly, Sakura blooms in Spring, the time when life begins. Culturally, the flower is used to symbolize the transience of life (how Zen and Buddhist). Falling blossoms are representative of snow (the season that I closely compare myself to)

And according to legend they are a metaphor for a warrior killed early in life.

Morbid but very me.

And being Chinese, one cannot forget the image of the Cherry Blossom during the Lunar New Year. It represents the symbol of feminine dominance, female beauty and sexuality.

Yes, I am proud to be a woman though it can be hard at times.

Some people will applaud the fact that I am finally getting a feminine and pretty tattoo as compared to my first tattoo.

Since I’m getting the second one done, I’ll ask them to re-ink the first.

Initially, I had wanted my second tattoo to be done traditionally in Borneo. Most of my friends think I am either a pain junkie or have just lost my marbles.

I actually do not mind the pain because it is something I am ready to put up with. What I am actually worried about is the infection that might get. For me, if I am going to have another tattoo, it might as well be done traditionally.

But it looks like that will be my third piece then. And I have not decided on the design for that one either.

Perhaps I will come up with some drafts and you can give me feedback on them. Ta!

No, wait… I actually need to submit my leave tomorrow. But then it’ll be all good.

I can’t believe it. As the page popped up to confirm my payments, it finally sank in. I’ll be going to London.

Deep breaths…

The story begins…

On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment’s parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.

On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us “No need”.

On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision.

Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming “Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can’t do anything now. It’s simply a waste of money).”

On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate inquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied “No.” Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.

But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.

Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him.

On the last day of his remand.

After the investigations were concluded.

For only 15 minutes.

On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of 0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was “already packaged to be distributed” or the so called “cocaine processing mini-lab” was brought to court.

Because there WAS none.

He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.
But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.

Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.

He never saw us, he was “in a meeting.” He wasn’t too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us.

We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.

Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from “witnesses” and “investigations” will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.

On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.

For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, Mama, who is a cancer patient herself, suffered chest pains and lost her voice.

We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.

But now, a new nightmare has begun.

Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?

Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.

Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.

My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben’s right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.

But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.

Liberty is a Constitutional right. It’s time to get it back.
- Elza

For now, where do we go from here…