This scenario has happened many times but I guess the nature of this thing being repetitive has taught me how to handle it maturely and gracefully.

Everytime one of my close friends has gotten a lover,  people around me are wondering how I feel. I guess most people are wondering how I would spend my time now since I will not be hanging out with my friend as often as I used to. What do they want me to feel anyway? Lonely? Sad? Jealous?

To be honest, I am happy for my friends. Because everyone deserves to go through the Euphoria of being in love. You see that change in them when they are in love. It can either be refreshing or sickening sweet. It differs based on your friend’s reaction to the experience.

 But somehow, many of the people I know have conveniently chosen the dumbest idiots to date. This frustrates me to the core.

I apologize if my sisterly instincts kick in but it is always easier to spot the players and jerks when you are the third party. Trust me; I have had my share of dumb assed partners before. Conveniently I did not see that when I was dating them.

Back to the main topic.

Now just because my friend is dating someone means that we are no longer friends anymore. It is just that we have different priorities now. Which I believe is great because I strongly believe we would have killed each other if we spent too much time together. Will I miss the hang outs, the get together and activities we usually do as a duo? I would be lying if I said no. But everyone needs their own time and space.

Someone once lamented to me that now his social life had to change because his best friend has gotten a girlfriend and no longer has time to play PS2 with him anymore. Rather sad if you are a man in your mid 20s and the closest you ever got to a girl was Lara Croft. Get some help. But then again, that is a different story all together.

Anyway, as the saying goes 3 is a crowd and trust me I have had enough experience being the third wheel in many dates of various couples.

I know sometimes my friends feel bad because I might feel left out. After all, I have been single ever since dinosaurs roamed the face of the Earth. They have included me in activities with good intentions no doubt.

Sometimes I wish I could blatantly say, ‘X (insert friend’s name), I want you to know that hanging out with just you and your boyfriend almost all the time is not my cup of tea and I am sure your boyfriend would want one on one time with you. Having me there will just spoil the romantic atmosphere.’

Personally, I feel we should be able to manage and separate time into 3 parts when it comes to hanging out with  lovers, friends and the whole gang.

I used to give my ex time alone with his friends because I strongly believe that you should not ignore your friends when you are in a relationship. Many people despite knowing so still ignore their friends when they are blissfully walking in the wonderland of love.

Now for those in love please try to fit in some buddy time into your crazy loved up schedule. By this, I do not mean time to lament and gripe about your partner, but just time for you guys to chill and catch up. Because for all you know, that friend is the only one who will be with you once the illusion of love fades away.

Then again if my loved up friends get too caught up causing me  to  get bored and Goth forbid, lonely. I guess finding a boyfriend shouldn’t be too hard, right?

I hate that quote. In fact, I cannot find any other quotes more insulting to teachers than this particular line.

This coming from a man deemed as one of the most influential American writers and prose stylists of the first half of the 20th century. Get this, he was married to an English lecturer.

Perhaps Mr. Mencken had his reasons for quoting this. I mean, I had my fair share of teachers who are only teaching because it is the only secure job that they could get. However, that has not stopped me from believing that being a teacher is one of the noblest professions in the world.

I had a friend that gained enough credit points to pursue any profession he wanted. On his university application, he chose Education. This was then followed by a string of protest by others.

He simply smiled and answered, “Your children will need a good passionate teacher some day.”

To many, they would not have chosen teaching simply because of the salary. Teachers make just enough to get by. Teaching, for those who are passionate about it has its own rewards.

Okay, granted that I am an educator myself, you would think that I am being bias. Perhaps I am.

But do take some time and reflect on your own past. How did you come to be where you are today? Who was that person that showed you the way?

When I speak of teachers, I am not speaking about the ones confined in the classroom or your schools. I am speaking of all the teachers in the world. You can find a teacher anywhere.

The random people you meet on a random Thursday while on your way to work. The burly bartender at your local pub. The annoying neighbor that you wish would just move away. The ex-lover who broke your heart. Your teacher could be your own mother or father. Whether you see it or not, everyone that crosses your path has done so for a reason. There is always a lesson to be learned.

I will admit however, that sometimes the lesson is only apparent to us with the passing of time. Time itself is a great teacher.

I have encountered many teachers, masters, gurus or whatever label you would like to put on them, in my short life on this Earth. And I will be encountering many more in the future. I am who I am because of the lessons and experience I have gathered.

As long as you are breathing, there are lessons that the universe would want to teach you.

As long as you are interacting with all living beings, you will encounter teachers in all shapes and forms.

As long as the sands of time keep moving, we keep on learning.

To all my teachers, Happy Teacher’s Day!!!

There is a reason for everything to happen. Everyone will have that special ability to help change the course of another’s life.

Personally, I do not see myself as special. Unless you consider being moody with a permanent scowl plastered on my face as I don all blacks almost 24/7, a special ability then I will agree that I am special.

However, M is right about one thing.

“One of these days, you will have to use it.”

“I’ll see when the opportunity presents itself,” I casually replied.

That conversation happened last year.

The past week, has been rather interesting for me.

For a week now, under very strange circumstances was I called to help others unveil the inner workings of the universe and what is has in store for them. Weird gut feelings lead me to those around me who needed me at that point of time. I just hope that I have done the right thing, to point them towards or away from their initial intentions. That is one of the reason why I hardly want to use the Light, for we are responsible for the effects that it might have on another’s life.

But like it or not, sometimes in life, you cannot reject what is being presented to you. You really just have to go with the flow. So I just went with the flow…

In return for answering the callings, I have enjoyed a very productive and positive week. (For the skeptics out there, I may be Goth but I am human too.)

This probably started on the night when I hung out with Kalamari and his friend. It was on a whim that I decided to go out that night; I am usually the type of person who would rather stay at home if I have already called it a night. After all, I had been working 8 hours prior, had a production meeting and attended an anniversary party.

Perhaps it was the company; perhaps it was just another opportunity to get to know more people. Somehow, something just compelled me to go.

Thank goodness, these guys have wonderful aura and I feel a sense of familiarity and comfort when I am around them. I guess some of their positive energy rubbed off on me and I carried it over for the rest of the week.

So many interesting events began to unfold. I’ve gotten calls from friends I have not been in contact for years. Those conversations were precious and brought many happy memories to mind. Then on the social networking scene, I’ve reconnected with people from Uni. And to top it off, I am back in contact with my other half of the Dynamic Duo.

‘Yes, you’ve heard it people, run for your lives. The Malicious Malaysian has been back in contact with her Conniving Caucasian. We shall rule the world!!!’

*Laughs Maniacally*

So much has changed since I’ve hung out with Conniving back in Berea. No one has ever called me, ‘Malicious’ the way he does. For those of you who have been following my story, Conniving is doing well back in the States. You may drop a comment for him if you like.

Currently, the awesome feeling is resonating very high. But I am realistic, ‘THIS TOO SHALL PASS.’

I, on the other hand am enjoying it while it lasts.

Something that makes you feel worthless and incomplete.

The feeling is uncomfortable, uneasy, and restless;

You can’t sit still, you feel like running but there is nowhere to go.

At night, you toss and turn in your bed despite laying there for the past hour,

You try to find the answer, that cure, that magic elixir, the perfect solution,

That will help to wash away, to purify, to take away, to give you an escape,

And yet the harder you search, the more it eludes you,

Perhaps when problems like these arise, the only answer is to let time take its course.

But as all of you know that time can be our cruelest teacher and yet the kindest one;

Because it does give us the best lessons in life,

They may not appear right in front of us or when we need it,

Funny how it will only rear its head when we least expect it,

Perhaps a mundane Thursday or when you are stuck in the daily rush hour traffic to work,

As I write this, I am feeling all these feelings, some I cannot explain, others I could rationalize,

Someone wise told me that we are always in control of our feelings;

If we claim that we cannot and do not have the power to do so,

It’s because we are addicted to the sense of security the negative emotions allow us to have,

Therefore, now I think the only thing I can do is to sit still, stay as neutral as possible,

And let the tide come in slowly as it washes the shore clean of the debris of yesterday.

I am the most insecure person I know. I am not sure why. Sparky says it is because I think too much. Perhaps it is.

But as I get to know the people around me, I find we are not so different after all. Yes, we live different lifestyles, hang out with different people, come from different backgrounds and thread different paths. Yet deep down inside, we have something in common, insecurities. I am not sure why but I notice these in many of my Asian friends. I am not saying this to be racist or anything. It is just a fact that is common across this group.

I start to question whether it is our upbringing that makes us feel that we are not good enough. Or is it the fact that in our culture, being proud of our achievements can be seen from a negative point of view. WHAT A BIG SHOW OFF!!!

Thus I notice this other thing; Asians can’t seem to take compliments very well. I know I am one. Despite my friends telling me great things about myself, I still have tons of doubt and lack the confidence. I remembered when I was younger, my relatives find me a tad bit odd because I accepted compliments with, “Thank yous” and moved on with my life. Now, I second guess. Weird, right?

Recently, I gave a compliment to an acting buddy of mine and was met with tons of negativity. It frustrated me. Here is this gorgeous young actress beginning to step out into the world, but she managed to find hairline cracks that are non existent. However, this experience was an eye opening experience for me. It was the mirror of what I have been doing. I finally felt what my friends have been feeling every time I try to dodge a compliment.

So from today forth, I will acknowledge and take responsibility of the things I say; take compliments as they are given to me whole heartedly and thank my friends who saw something in me that I have not realized and who expect more of me than I can ever fathom for myself.