The life and mind of Adeline Ong

One of my best mates is gay (though not many people know about it, which will lead to the next thing on this note) and he is not ashamed of it. I mean, why should you be ashamed to be who you really are right? More power to gaydom!!! (If there is even such a word. If not, I just created it so there!)

And NO, there will not be a prize for guessing who I am talking about here.

However, he could also be the reason why I am still single until today. Why is that? Simply because people think we are an item, which I find hilarious. I do not mind actually because I am single and have nothing else better to do than to fill the mind of the mundane and terminally bored folks whose sole purpose in life is to live through the lives of others. Plus, he does make good arm candy. (I could just hear him screaming now, “Oi! I am not your arm candy!�)

Anyway, if you have heard that the best friend a girl can have is a gay guy. It is true. I can testify to that.

This buddy of mine is generally a sweetheart through and through. I bet you he has a heart of caramel gold.

But then again, you do not want to make him angry. You will not like him when he is angry. Kind of reminds me of Gremlins. You know, they can be all soft and cuddly but after they pop out of their slimy cocoons, they become this reptilian like creatures that terrorize you. Alright, I admit I am exaggerating here. The moral of this paragraph is, don’t piss him off.

Now, I strongly believe that there is more than one soul mate for everyone out there. I do not care what other people say but to me; soul mates come in all different races, religion and of course, sexual orientation. They may appear any time in your life. And YES, you can have MORE than one.

So, yes, I am saying that my soul mate is GAY! And I won’t have it any other way…

If you are reading this – I love ya, just the way you are!!! Hugs!!!

I am a clutter queen. I keep almost every thing with the excuse that I will need it one day. Most of the time I don’t. It will take me ages to actually throw out something.

Two nights ago, I went through some boxes and found stuff that I thought were long lost. Most of the things I keep are usually used for my arts and crafts. I love making stuff. Thank goodness for these skills because I am refining them to make props for my productions. Yay!!

Anyways, back to the clutter. I found photo albums filled with photos of my trip to USA, I missed my time there, I miss my friends. How bad was do I miss them? I actually had a dream of me being back in Berea that very night. I really, really miss the USA. I want to go back there. Hopefully in 2010, I will be there.

I also stumble upon a book V gave me. On the flyleaf, he wrote something very beautiful for me. To that, I cried myself to sleep.

It is almost 2 years now, he has moved on so must I but perhaps that is why I still hang on to the clutter despite it swallowing me whole. I am somehow to afraid to move forward or I do not want to move forward. I am not sure.

Man, I should clean out that place I call a bedroom. Perhaps things will start looking up for me.

What does it take to realize your dreams?

Is it guts?
Is it luck?
Is it hope?
Is it focus?
Is it a plan?
Is it money?
Is it people?
Is it passion?
Is it support?
Is it education?
Is it networking?

But what if it is the other way round?

If you had all the rest but no dream at all?
What should you do?
Life seems to be ironic that way, isn’t it?
Funny how we whine when we have nothing and yet still whine when we almost have it all?
Why do we feel frustrated when we don’t have a choice?
Why do we get so confused when we actually do have a choice?
In the confusion of it all, where do we find the calmness to think?

When do you know that the time has come?
When do you know that it is time to leave?
When do you know that it is time to let go?
When do you know that you should look forward and not look back?
When do you know that the time is now?

The air smells different here. Or it could just be me. It feels really good to be back here after so long. As I look out the balcony, I see headlights speeding to and fro. It is late now. I hope they rush home safely. In the far distance, I see neon lights slowly dying as shops call it a night.

The familiar surrounding of my bedroom brings back faint memories of my past. Almost a year now; I can’t believe how fast time just passes me by. The slow humming of the air conditioner, gives me the sense of calmness that I need; reassuring me that I am home. A mental note to myself, “I sure need to clean this place,� as my eyes wander to boxes that were never open since we moved in. I wonder what hidden treasures lay inside them.

I drove my trusty silver car out earlier. It has been too long. As I climbed into the driver’s seat and caressed the steering wheel with my hands, it felt like a reunion of old friends. I missed this car. It has been my companion for many years. Memories sweet and bitter intertwined, still lingered in the air. Shadows of lovers passed; the late night rendezvous; sneaking kisses amongst warm cuddles. Tears of anguish still stains the seats, the dashboard still bears the bruises of wild pounding fists. All this wrapped within a metal box with wheels.

My eyes grow weary now. The soft bed, swimming in the scent of lavender, beckons. I bid all of you a good night. May your slumber be filled with wonderful jewels of memories to keep. As for me, my stay here is temporary; I knowingly, savor every moment of it, while it lasts.